While reading The Home and the World we came across the issue of marital unfaithfulness. In a previous blog post I described Bimila as “being a slut in her own home.” When addressed with the question of why I did such a thing, I stood by my opinion. In my mind, for having the idea to cheat on her husband she is deserving of such a title. When a discussion of this led to the topic of adultery, I was quite certain in my claim that adultery is morally wrong. Because this is a blog based on opinions, I will freely admit that I was raised as a Christian, and I believe in the Ten Commandments which say “thou shalt not commit adultery.” But moreover, Christianity is not the only religion the expressly forbids adultery, counting it as a crime, often deserving death. The Ten Commandments also apply to Judaism, and the same words are found in the Torah. In Islam, verses about adultery are found in the Qur’an proclaiming it wrong. One such verse is, “Say, 'Verily, my Lord has prohibited the shameful deeds, be it open or secret, sins and trespasses against the truth and reason.” Even the Laws of Manu in ancient India forbid the practice. Throughout time there have been different punishments for such crimes, usually inflicted on the female party. In ancient times a woman would be stoned for committing the crime, in later years they were often ostracized from society. A literary example of this is Nathaniel Hawthorn’s The Scarlet Letter, in which the main character is forced to wear a scarlet A as a symbol of her crime, and due to it she is outcast from society. Even Bimila feels as though she deserves a punishment for her actions. “I continually had the feeling that, if only I could die, all this turmoil would come to an end. So long as I was alive my sins would remain rampant, scattering destruction on every side,” (Tagore p. 203). Even in more modern times, though in western cultures adultery is no longer a crime, adultery and sleeping around are looked down upon. In the movie, Easy A, Emma Stone’s character is virtually shunned by her peers because of all the rumors about her. It may be callous of me to think poorly of girls and women as sluts because of their indiscretion, but I am morally opposed to adultery.
To counter that I will also briefly mention the theory that adultery is looked down upon so much due to patriarchy. That it is because of men not being able to continue their family name due to their wives’ sleeping with other men that adultery is viewed so harshly. Personally, I don’t buy into that, but I would love to hear everybody else’s opinions.
Also, below I posted the trailer to Easy A, as well as where I got my information from, besides my own knowledge. The middle of the trailer is the best to see society's reaction to her "sluttiness."
While I undertand the place you are coming from with your comments, I think that by just so easily calling a women a "slut" because she had an affair is pretty offensive. I too was raised a Christian, Catholic, but I also come from a family that was broken up by adultery. While it was not my mother that was the adulteries, I think its safe to say that you wouldn't call my father a slut. And although, you may feel the same way about him then you would a women, the word wouldn't come out of your mouth because we aren't taught to believe that same way of men as we are women. Men more easily just "loose interest" in the relationship, where as the women is simply just a slut and cannot control herself. One comes with an explanation and the other doesn't. Now while I can completely understand where you are coming from, because I am too morally opposed to adultery, morality is to each individual, unique. It may be that you share moral beliefs the same as other people, but one may not believe that adultery is bad for whatever their reason. If morally someone was opposed to even getting married to begin with, but you weren't, you wouldn't walk around calling them a moron just because they don't want to partake in something you do. Your opinion on the matter, I don't think is the problem, the wording that you chose is. In The Scarlett Letter, Hester is made to wear an "A" on her clothes after her affair, but this doesn't mean it was the right thing to do. It simply is how things happened in the past. We should be growing and expanding as a culture, since the time of the Puritans. Just because a person has an affair, doesn't make them a "slut," the word has no good meaning in the world that we live in. Having other women so carelessly throwing it around, it makes us women look like we can't even respect each other, so why should any men?
ReplyDeleteI can absolutely see where you are coming from here. My personal belief is that the word "slut" is being blown completely out of proportion. While I realize that it can be considered offensive to some people, it is part of everyday culture now, it is a common phrase easily thrown about. I chose the word slut because I thought it to be more fitting, and less harsh than some of the other words I could have chosen. I also agree that "slut" is a term only demeaning to women, and you are completely correct in your assessment that most people wouldn't call a man a "slut" for committing adultery, even if they thought the same way about him. I could go into a tangent here about how I try to hold the same standards and language to both genders, but I will refrain. Like you pointed out, morality it unique to every individual, and I'm glad you're putting your opinions too. I have a fault in that I am not as careful with my words as some people would like and I don't care what people think of me, so I try to be "that guy" a lot of the time to provoke a reaction. I appprecaite you pointing out it isn't my opinion, but my way of saying it that was the problem, and I agree that most people will see it that way. The one other defense I will give for using the word "slut", even though I am a girl and it looks worse on our parts is that I don't want to submit to a double standard. Men are allowed to call us "sluts", and it is offensive, but if a woman calls us a "slut", it is even more offensive? Its true people see it that way, but it really bothers me that they do. I do not mean to be disrespetful to women, I merely intend to not be restrained in my vocabulary by my gender. (Disclaimer, I know that sounds like an awful defense, but I'm not saying it to be offensive or contrary. I truly believe that it is unfair to generalize like that)
DeleteBecause I identify myself as being a feminist, I confess that I was mildly offended at your initial claim. I believe most people would agree for obvious reasons that adultery and unfaithfulness is wrong and something that should not be encouraged, unless you’re using or working for www.ashleymadison.com (a website that actively encourages extramarital affairs). I believe that using the word “slut” as a label is altogether too harsh a claim for Bimala’s situation. We cannot truly begin to comprehend her situation because none of us have gone through the purdah lifestyle, or so I assume. Put this into a modern example: imagine being mandated to stay inside your dorm 24-7 for all of your adult life. You’ll have highly-restricted access, if any, to education and interaction with others. By and large, you cannot interact directly with males outside of your family, even if you wanted to. When speaking to most people who are older than you, you must physically cover your face with a cloth. Growing up, you’ve seen women do this for all their adult life and you know you will grow to do the same. These rules and many more are not rules that can be negotiated. Now, imagine that amazingly, your husband (or boyfriend) tells you to discard this ancient tradition and invites you outside for the first time. You are free to do anything you like and talk with anybody you like: old or young, male or female. Outside of your dorm, you meet a passionate young man who is spreading the idea of freedom and embracing one’s own identity through nationalism. If he were of a certain personality type, would you have been able to resist him forever? Sandip was more or less the first thing Bimala was exposed to once she was removed from the purdah lifestyle, and he came across to her as something new, very exciting, and interesting. He is established to be a charismatic character with intriguing philosophies, and Bimala was not the only one to become attracted to him and his ideas. Remember that he was a political figure and had his disciples. I also disapprove of infidelity and I’m not saying Bimala should not have gotten involved with Sandip, but I’m saying that she does not deserve all of the blame, given her required lifestyle of ultimate 24/7 seclusion and Sandip’s contagious and engaging personality, combined with the timing of Sandip’s entrance into Bimala’s life just as she was coming out into the world.
ReplyDeleteI respect your opinion, and very much like your example of what it would be like in modern times. I think one of my biggest issues is the way Bimila is portrayed as such a weak character that she would fall to her knees at the first man that she interacts with outside the family. I never like weak willed characters, especially women. Also the fact that she married, and happily so, gets to me more than anything else.
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